This is the hippest gadget you can buy, or will be able to buy next year, if you stand in line for more than a day and your credit is good. You gotta have this one now it’s so much better the formerly greatest one you stood in line for last year. It’s slimmer, and more expensive than anything like it. So as the fashionstas say “You [the buyer] can’t be too rich or the [object] too thin.”

The model show here is the “Googlzon” it’s an accessory that becomes you—pun intended—it learns your every move and mood via sensors and its built-in GPS. It also anticipates, based on what you’ve browsed, what you’ll want to buy. Life is good, but can be better, buy this now.

This information—the data that is you—is bought and sold among zillionaires just like any other financial instrument. They are making money from stuff they took from you for free. The data is also valuable in that it can be used to take your money as well. What do you think this couple going to get e-enticed with; a romance novel or a little blue pill?

You’d think the military version, nicknamed “NSA1984,” would look different; that it’d be thicker, with sharp edges and rivets and painted flat black, it’s not, they are cleverer than that. The stealth model is in the commercial device, its military functions are built in; the same sensors, GPS and anticipation algorithmic software used to monitor your needs and desires are there used to monitor your whereabouts and intentions. Life is good, but it will get worse, don’t buy this now.