HSUP

Here’s another drawing about self and other. Sorry, but it’s what I think about a lot.  Here you see our hero, my self of course, looking into the glass and seeing one woman all dressed up and on a date with another man as well as a naked one alone and facing him. They are all mixed up.He is seeing memories of actual exes blending with fantasies. He can’t separate the woman of his “actual” past from the fantasy one of his possible (but not probable) future. Nor can he separate the actual women who’ve rejected him from the fantasy women who could desire him as he could desire one of them.

And what makes it worse is his “social dyslexia” which is his inability to read other people. Because of it he perceives a door, what else could PUSH mean? But it’s not PUSH it’s HSUP -PUSH backwards- which means you’d push on the other’s side to get through. Yet he pushes on his side and no surprise it does not open. The glass remains a wall and he remains alone.

That’s the confusing semi-ness of it all, the half-reality half-fantasy of looking at glass. The mixing of transmission and reflection and the mixing what one sees ahead of one with what’s behind. Past, present and future; time set in a spatial metaphor.

Yes, possibility, memory and fantasy are mixed up in the glass as window/wall/door metaphor. But they are mixed up even more by his subconscious mind as it censors and edits what he thinks he knows/feels about how un/successful he was or could be. It’s as much a “through the glass darkly” metaphor for the conflict between the conscious and subconscious mind as it is for the self-versus-other interface/boundary.

So there is the more general mixing of fantasy and memory, the real and the ideal. Fantasy is the ideal, the closest to which we can get is the possible future based on the memories of the past. Memories are the real; they are sensories recorded.

But memories are as imperfect as fantasies for fantasies are remembered, too. Then the new memories and fantasies are subconsciously edited to be made consistent with those that are already there. Nothing is ever recalled as it was truly was, ever remembered in an anyway objective fashion. And there is nothing we can do about it.

To go forward we fantasize the possible, then act based on causes and effects remembered as associated with such a possibility. Our success is determined by how accurately those memories map the current situation. In other words, how little the recursively remembered fantasies corrupt the objectivity of it all.

And our weak minds reflect on it all like glass. We don’t differentiate well between what is past and what is future, we see them all mixed up as one. We read memories as fantasies and vice versa. We see signs as guides for action but we often see them as if we are on the other’s wrong side.

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